10 Realistic Ways How To Deal With Mom Guilt

Free Yourself From The Negativity of Mom Guilt.

Having children is such a remarkable blessing in life. The flip side of the coin is wondering every minute of your day if you’re doing a good job. As a mom of three, my children bring me joy–yet equally cause an inexplicable amount of mom guilt.

Experiencing mom guilt means we are full of compassion, empathy, and care for our babies. For those of us who have chosen the path of motherhood and have struggled with mom guilt, here are 10 ways to help you overcome it.

1. With Mom Guilt, Know Your Feelings Are Temporary

Sometimes when we are in the moment of experiencing mom guilt, we can feel like there is no end to our negative emotions. Mom guilt can be triggered by many different reasons: outside pressures of other people’s opinions, social media’s unrealistic expectations of what motherhood should look like, or even our own insecurities.

It’s important to remember that your feelings of mom guilt are only temporary. Give yourself a break, and some grace. The reason you are feeling mom guilt to begin with is because it comes from a place of love for your child. We worry ourselves sick hoping the best for our children.

I remember feeling mom guilt every time I had to leave my baby to go back to work and STILL feeling mom guilt years later on their first days of school. To be honest with you, maybe mom guilt is a feeling that I will forever have. But I can conclude that it’s a temporary feeling of me questioning if I am doing the best that I can.

The next time you feel mom guilt rearing its ugly head, take a deep breath and interrupt that pattern of thinking with reminding yourself that it is only temporary.

2. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Moms

One of my best friends reminds me constantly that “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I’m not going to lie, sometimes I’m scrolling through my Instagram feed and see what I would consider to be “The Perfect Mom.” She stays at home, has a clean house, bakes with her adorable children, has energy to work out, and always looks fabulous in her hair and makeup.

I glance at myself in my bedroom mirror and see my reflection is still in pajamas at four in the afternoon. The person glaring back at me hasn’t washed her hair in days, has bags under her eyes, and is probably having popcorn for dinner.

Sometimes, the best remedy for mom guilt is to simply just give yourself a break. It’s completely acceptable to remove yourself from situations that make you feel guilty. You are allowed to say “No” to things you can not handle at the moment–especially if it’s going to end up in resentment.

Unfollow the people on social media that trigger you. Protect your mental health when you are online. Try not to waste your precious energy on other people’s lives, that will just harbor resentment. And most importantly, give yourself grace.

3. Practice Self-Affirmations When You Feel Mom Guilt

The first time I told myself self-affirmations, I felt downright ridiculous. A grown woman saying, “You are beautiful, you are worthy, you deserve happiness and peace,” should have made me feel powerful, but instead it made me feel a bit silly.

Something that really helped me believe in what I was saying was putting God’s promises behind each affirmation. I know I am worthy because Jesus said I am. Matthew 6:26 reminds us that “We are more valuable than the birds in the air.”

Zephaniah 3:17 says “The Lord your God is with you; he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

Remembering who we are through Christ’s eyes, and not listening to the lies of this world is key to believing your self-affirmation.

4. Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations

I wanted the perfect marriage, the warm, homey kitchen, the living room
furniture that was HGTV worthy, the home-cooked meal every day, and much more.
I had so many expectations of who I should be and what I should be doing as a
wife and mother.

But sometimes the best thing to say is, “Oh F*** it!” or the expletive of your choice. 😂

Who cares if the dishes go undone one night? Or if the laundry skips a day
or two. Something that I’ve learned to do as of late is letting go of unrealistic
expectations.

It’s not realistic to have a perfect marriage. Neither is it realistic to have a clean house 24/7. Nor is it realistic to be optimistic and positive all the dang time! Setting realistic expectations for yourself will allow you to keep the mom guilt at bay by disqualifying the idealistic outlook of what your life should look like. Remember that perfection is not real.

5. Spend Some Quality Time With Your Child

When mom guilt comes to us as a result of certain behaviors we do, we can correct our negative feelings by getting back in balance. If I told you I haven’t laid in bed and binge-watched Netflix for days, I would be on the next episode of Maury listening to him say “The lie detector determined…that was a lie.”

Occasionally, I will coop myself up in my room for my own well-being. My best part of the day is when the lazy dog is laying down lazily, the house is quiet, and my slumbering kids are snoring in their bedrooms. Another chaotic day put to rest so we can all regain energy for the madness of tomorrow.

It’s important to squeeze in some quality time with your child in the midst of it all. Remember, quality trumps quantity. If you are a working mother, some ideas are to include them in dinner preparation, watching an episode of their favorite show together, playing a game outdoors, or building with Lego.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure you balance your work and family life.

6. Trust Your Gut With Finding The Root of Mom Guilt

A mother’s intuition is real, and you should trust it! This article from Parent.com explains how emotions can play a key-role when it comes to decision making. For a new mother, children become their top priority:

“The rise and fall of gestational hormones over the course of her pregnancy, along with the surge of oxytocin during labor and birth, prime mothers for responsiveness,” says Dr. Hrdy. “A new mother’s top priority is often to make sure her baby is safe, and she will have a low threshold for sensing anything amiss.”

Although trusting your gut can be the way to go, make sure you make decisions out of a place of calmness and not operating out of fear or anxiety. Combining intuition and knowledge is a powerful tool. Ask yourself what is the root of your mom guilt–and answer truthfully. Many moms feel mom guilt for different reasons, and in order to get “over it” we must understand where the guilt is coming from and tackle it head on.

Time alone with Jesus does wonders for the soul. I like to pray and read my bible for reassuring guidance to see if what my gut is telling me is really the holy spirit. Proverbs 31 is a wonderful reminder of beautiful attributes of an ideal mother.

7. Pursue Your Own Goals

Mom guilt can often come around when we feel “selfish.” When your outside circle unintentionally pressures you into staying home with your kids, (even if you have other goals), we may feel mom guilt.

Women all over the world have had to work twice as hard to prove that they can be both a professional and a mother at the same time.

If you are ready to go back to work after having a baby or think you are ready once the kids are old enough to be in school, there is good news: kids actually benefit from having a working mom!

This article from Harvard states the results of a study on working moms:

“Women whose moms worked outside the home are more likely to have jobs themselves, are more likely to hold supervisory responsibility at those jobs, and earn higher wages than women whose mothers stayed home full time…”

Kids are much more resilient and braver than what we give them credit for. Children want their moms to be happy, and the best version of yourself is the best mom you can give them.

8. Don’t Be Scared to Ask For Help When You Need It

Mom guilt happens when sometimes we expect too much of ourselves. We need to remember to ask for help when it’s needed.

This tip is easier said than done, because there are instances when we feel like we can handle it all, or we fall victim to the belief that we must be “superwoman” and handle it all ourselves.

Your closest friends and family members are often willing to help you if you let them know you’re struggling or in need of some assistance. What some people may consider “small” or “no big deal” actually means the world to a mom in need.

Let others know how they can help you. Asking for help can come in many different forms, such as:

• Getting a babysitter for a night
• Having someone do the laundry
• Ordering take-out for dinner
• Dropping the kids off at school (or picking them up)
• Getting groceries delivered to your door

Asking for help can be a great way to get you out of “mom guilt ” when you realize you don’t have to do it all by yourself.

9. Surround Yourself With a Positive Support System

When mom guilt sinks in, it tends to be when you are alone or cooped up in the house. One of the best ways to get over mom guilt is to surround yourself with a positive support system.

• Set time apart for a meet up with friends
• Call a family member via video chat
• Go to a class you enjoy
• Have a girls night out

It’s important to be reminded of how special you are, and a positive support system around you can validate your feelings and help you get out of your funk.

10. Talk To a Professional to Help With Mom Guilt

When mom guilt seems to be weighing you down more than usual, and the usual pick-me-ups aren’t helping you shake the regular ups-and-downs of motherhood, it might be time to talk to a professional.

If you are experiencing intense irritability, insomnia, loss of appetite, or difficulty bonding with your baby, it could be something more serious such as postpartum depression.

Tell your doctor your symptoms, be honest, and don’t feel embarrassed or shame. Getting professional help is one step closer to getting back to your regular self and embracing this new role.

The Takeaway

Remember, it’s completely normal to fell the baby blues right after childbirth due to the sudden change in hormones. In addition to the tips stated above, get as much sleep as you can, ask for help when needed, and eat right and take care of your body. If symptoms become severe, please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a healthcare professional.

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